I can hear you shout out loud: "What! Are you crazy? How dare you call such a serious disease a blessing!" Please don't misunderstand me. Being a Lyme patient is horror. It is a nightmare and the consequences of being so sick are not joyful at all.
I am a survivorOf course I feel frustrated about what this nasty tick did to my body. I pay the price. Like millions of others worldwide who, like me, also got infected. You can read my story here. Especially in the beginning, when this disease worsened and I became disabled.
Boy, I was so depressed, you don't want to know. I think anyone would. Especially when you used to be a sports and active person before. I was a person that loved to run, bike, swim, etc. That was taken away from me all of the sudden.
I admit I had a hard time accepting my new situation. It wasn't easy at all. But I am not the type of person that dwells into negative thinking. Never have been and probably never will be. My mindset has always been the one of a survivor instead of feeling a victim of circumstances.
Which doesn't mean I never showed victim behavior since I was bitten. I did! A lot! Sometimes I still do. I am no Saint or so. And I guess even a Saint would complain every now and then. Maybe not in public. But still...
You always have a choiceWhen you become seriously ill, like I did, a lot of things change. You can't keep on doing what you were doing anymore. Your life turns upside down. Lots of the things you used to take for granted before, are gone. History. They might never come back. I don't know right now.
I live in the moment. Right now my life is the life of someone who is disabled. I depends on the help of others for stuff like cleaning my house. My active life I was used to is over with. It has been for a few years. A new reality entered my life.
When things happen to you, like they happened to me, you have a choice. You can dwell upon the fact that a lot of things were stolen from you. You can chose to stay depressed and angry. But I refused that. After I survived the first emotions and accepting the new me, I didn't want to stay bitter and sad forever.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself I first was angry with myself. I needed to get real and stop thinking my life was over. Instead of fighting the new circumstances, I decided to accept my new life and even embrace it.
A blessing in disguiseI started a soul search deep inside myself. That wasn't always easy, but I needed to do this. Because I didn't want to be defeated by my disease. Thus I became a warrior instead of a survivor. A spiritual warrior.
Everything happens for a reasonI believe that nothing "just" happens. There are hidden life lessons in every situation. No matter what that situation is like. For me the lesson was to learn to listen to myself. To step out of the rat race. To stop running away from myself. And last but not least: to become softer and more loving.
Before the disease entered my life, I was positive minded. But on the other hand I was so tough on myelf and on others. I avoided my true emotions and the soft side of me. I was afraid to listen to my intuition and to the soft sound of my inner voice.
Because of Lyme Disease I was no longer able to run away. Life forced me to finally listen to the real me. To have more compassion and become peaceful and loving. Life reminded me the need to listen to myself and others. To let go of negative statements and thinking.
It takes time to get thereThis didn't happen overnight of course. I had my own struggle. Nobody could help me. I had to do it all by myself. I am so thankful I did! I had the guts and the courage to dive into the deep ocean of my soul! It was scary sometimes. We carry a lot of mud and garbage with us, we are usually not aware of.
I feel thankful, not defeated!Because I am sick, I have a lot of time. All the time in the world to keep on working on myself. Time to improve and dig out the real me. If Lyme Disease wouldn't have entered my life, I'd never had the chance to do this. So in the end, this terrible disease is a blessing too.
I learned important life lessons, which I will share about in future blogs. My life is good. I'm back on track. Still sick, but I changed from the inside. A soul cleansing. I picked up stuff that I am still able to do. Like writing. I have time for my passions. It takes more of my energy, but that is not a problem. I go for it!
If you are in a simular situation, I really hope you will find your way back to the real you. And that you, besides the anger, sadness and grieving about your lost life, will find your blessings too. Go find them! It's worth every effort, even if it takes you many tears and pain. The reward is big!
Blessings to all of you!